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Dude, Where's My 401K?

Bailout Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
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Bull market. You win. Bear market. You win. BAILOUT - THE WINE

Just like you, we here at Crushpad have been obsessing as our 401k’s sink like a stone. But we put our anxiety on hold, put on our day trading hats and figured out a way to combine winemaking and derivatives to create Bailout - a wine that is dynamically priced to balance out any pain your retirement account may be feeling.

The big guys have credit default swaps and billion dollar bailouts. Well, we’ve got Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon - our own little piece of the bailout pie whether the market rocks or tanks.

For $39, you purchase futures on an awesome 2007 Napa Cabernet currently aging in French oak barrels. The wine will be bottled in August 2009. If the Dow goes down, you get an economic stimulus check of $2 for every 100 point drop. If it goes up, then your 401K is looking good and the maximum of $39 is a steal for similar wines we produce that command $75+ at retail. Bull or bear, you can’t lose.